Thanks for the Hospitality

I have been asked by a few people to post a story that happened to me just around a year ago. And since I am a man of the people, I will give ‘em what they want.

A year ago last October I was in a very good friend’s wedding. The venue was in Jersey about an hour and a half away from lower West Chester. I decided it would be easy enough to leave around 1pm and get down there to relax a bit before the 5pm rehearsal. What I didn’t factor in was the torrential downpour that would last the entire day washing away my easy drive.

I set out on my trip relaxed and in a good mood. Three hours later I was screaming at the traffic as though I was Samir Nagheenanajar on my way to work at Initech. I called up my buddy and explained the situation. There was no way I would make the rehearsal on time. However, since I was just in my sister’s wedding I basically knew what to do. “Bride or groom? Here is your program. Here is your seat. See you later”

What many of you who have heard this story before don’t know is that while on the highway I almost missed a crucial left at a fork in the road. Swerving from the middle lane to the far left I cut off some guy in a minivan. He proceeded to stop and we caught eyes glaring at each other. The next thing I know he was rear-ended as I sped off on the right path. Hey, I was in a rush, and to be honest, who stops in the middle of a highway. I had no time for remorse (if your reading this, minivan guy, it wasn’t me it was my evil twin. Plus you needed a new car anyway).

It’s not 5pm and I am about 20min away from the groom’s college friend’s house that I was staying at. He hopped on the phone to give me directions:

Me: Ok I am going over the bridge, where is your house.

Friend: Make a left at the light then come to a stop sign. Its 104 and there is an Acura (can’t remember exact car) in the driveway and key is under the doormat.

Me: Done. Ok I will take a quick shower and call you back for directions to the restaurant.

Following the directions I came to a neighborhood where all the houses looked exactly the same. It’s a beach town. I didn’t expect anything less. And they were actually quit nice. The problem was that it was pouring still, not well lit, and I couldn’t see 20 feet in front of my face. I pulled into the driveway, grabbed my gear and PRESTO! The key was right were he said it would be.

Quickly moving up the stairs I jumped in the shower for maybe 5 min. The shower was actually kick ass and if I had more time it would have been a 20-25 min ordeal. As I toweled off the following interaction takes place.

Voice: Hello?!?!

Me: Hey sorry I will be out in a minute.

Voice: Who are you looking for?

Me: I am here for the rehearsal. Sorry I am super late. Traffic was a nightmare.

Voice: What?

Me: The wedding this weekend! I am late for the rehearsal.

Voice: I think you have the wrong house.

Me: Ummm…..What?! (Ok I was officially agitated) Isn’t this 104?

Voice: No this is 118.

Oh crap! I cannot believe I am in the wrong house. I wasn’t pissed that it was actually showering in some random person’s house. It was more the fact that I really didn’t have time to deal with the situation.

Voice: How did you get in here?

Me: My friend said the key was under his doormat. Your key was under there. What kind of town is this where everyone keeps their key under their mats?!

As I apologized over and over I contemplated two things: 1) do I just grab my stuff and get the hell out or 2) do I finish getting ready and put on my suit. I chose to just get the hell out. Grabbing my stuff and walking down the stair I see who the voice belongs to. About a 70 year old man with a gruff look on his face.

Old Man: The key?

Me: Here you go, sorry, this is actually my towel. Nice place. Can you tell me where 104 is?

As I walked out of the house I wondered if I should tip him, but figured that since the cops hadn’t been called yet and he didn’t mace me I wouldn’t press my luck.

I finally arrived at the restaurant and was automatically credited with an instant classic. In retrospect it was probably a blessing since that night I had to sit at a table with all of the bride’s family. Talk about an ice breaker. For the rest of the weekend I was known as, “Oh, JP…wait…you’re the guy….” Yup, I am the guy who showered in a random’s house.